I’m a little stressed out today.
Actually, I’ve been a little stressed out for the past few days.
And it is all 100% of my own doing.
I have a project going on at work that is very cool, but that requires quite a bit of rather intense thought – so it’s not coming along as quickly as I would like. I participated in an amazing opportunity a few weeks ago – but it also took me away from home for four days, and I never quite “caught up”. I have a trip coming up in two days that will be very special, so again, it’s a wonderful gift that I get to travel – but I feel pressure to wash clothes and pack and make airport arrangements and get all of the logistics pulled together quickly. Because of all of this I feel like I’m falling behind on my yoga studies (which is a purely “optional” event in my life, so it shouldn’t generate any pressure for me; but neurotic perfectionist that I am, it does); not to mention I feel like I’m a crappy wife because I know I’m not as present for my husband as he deserves and should receive from me. My body knows I’m feeling stressed, and knows I’m pushing myself harder than I should – and so it’s considering “helping” me by working to get sick (so that I will be forced to slow down). [In times like these, my body has no problem telling me, “If you can’t take care of yourself, then I will take care of things for you.” – and then acting accordingly.]
And while intellectually I know – I know – that there is no reason to stress out, that everything will be just fine, that work deadlines can be pushed out, and that bags will get packed without incident, and that yoga doesn’t care if I don’t have all of the bones of the hand memorized by this Sunday, and that my husband is an absolute gem and has no problem watching tonight’s football game solo for a bit, and that my body will resume full health if I give myself half a break and just chill out, that all will be well.
My rational, thinking mind knows all of this; but my emotional body has been conditioned to respond with stress. I’ve been working to de-program this conditioned response, and some days I’m actually quite successful; but not today.
Okay, all of this is a very long introduction (sorry) for a very cool event that happened today.
Sitting at my desk at work this morning, I was trying to move through a semi-significant quantity of emails in my Inbox. I opened an email that I received last Monday (yup, I was a little behind), and found this link waiting for me:
I didn’t know what it was, but the title seemed aptly appropriate, so I clicked.
I read the story from left to right, top to bottom, and clicked on each audio snippet as it appeared. I smiled sympathetically in reading Laura’s descriptions; I smiled gently in hearing the audio snippets; I smiled lovingly at the final result.
I hummed the chorus to myself throughout the day; it became the soundtrack, the “self-talk”, that accompanied me today. I found myself humming my own personal melodies and harmonies, and mentally creating rap versions, and classical versions, and blues versions of this song; completely delighting in the simplicity of this charming, brief, powerful tune.
I still had ample moments of feeling stressed out today. But for ten-to-fifteen seconds at a time, I received a respite, a pause.
I reminded myself that indeed, I *would* be okay – if I just breathe.
Thank you Mr. Frank (and anonymous chorus members). I sincerely appreciate this audio hug.