Today as I was getting ready to take the puppies for their morning walk, I noticed that the box of poop bags had instructions on them. For over a year (not to mention during the five years we had our first dog) I have been walking our pets without proper guidance from the poo bag manufacturer – perhaps I have been doing it wrong?! Intrigued by the types of instructions that might be included on a box of poo poo bags (after all, the poop collection process seems pretty straight-forward to me), I read the 6-step (!) procedure with curiosity – and then laughed aloud. Here is a picture of the instructions; and below, my mental commentary. I hope you enjoy this brief break as much as my brain and I did (and still do).
- “I like to walk my dog.” Some mornings this statement is debatable, but for the sake of learning, I’ll agree to it for now.
- “My dog suddenly poo poo.” Oh my god, dog, you just decided to poo out of the blue? What the…that’s crazy unexpected! And bag manufacturer, do you no speak good English?
- “Tear one bag off the roll.” Okay, wait – am I supposed to carry the entire box of 200 bags with me? But what about the statement below the instructions, telling me I should have the bags in my car/garage/porch/camper/apartment? Those instructions don’t tell me to always keep a roll in my pockets… so what’s a person to do? And what if I don’t have a porch or camper – can I still use the bags? My house wasn’t listed among the places I should keep a roll of bags – does that mean the bags are not supposed to be there? I’m so confused…
- “Pull the bag over my hand just like a glove.” Are you coming on the walk with me? No offense, but I don’t even know your name… I mean, if you want to come along and pick up my dog’s poo, that’s cool, I guess… but then I have to put the bag on your hand for you? Do you have really crummy hand-eye coordination or something? (And if you do have some issues with your hands, perhaps picking up dog poo actually isn’t the best role for you?)
- “Pick up my dog’s waste nicely.” Wait – your dog, or my dog? Are you bringing a dog with you on the walk I take with my dogs? So if you are picking up your dog’s poop, who is picking up my dog’s poop?
- “Tie a knot in bag and dispose responsibly.” I.e., not in flames on a neighbor’s front step. Got it.