The dramedy of caring for a dog

Today as I was getting ready to take the puppies for their morning walk, I noticed that the box of poop bags had instructions on them.  For over a year (not to mention during the five years we had our first dog) I have been walking our pets without proper guidance from the poo bag manufacturer – perhaps I have been doing it wrong?!  Intrigued by the types of instructions that might be included on a box of poo poo bags (after all, the poop collection process seems pretty straight-forward to me), I read the 6-step (!) procedure with curiosity – and then laughed aloud.  Here is a picture of the instructions; and below, my mental commentary.  I hope you enjoy this brief break as much as my brain and I did (and still do).

1. “I like to walk my dog.”  Some mornings this statement is debatable, but for the sake of learning, I’ll agree to it for now.
2. “My dog suddenly poo poo.”  Oh my god, dog, you just decided to poo out of the blue?  What the…that’s crazy unexpected!  And bag manufacturer, do you no speak good English?
3. “Tear one bag off the roll.”  Okay, wait – am I supposed to carry the entire box of 200 bags with me?  But what about the statement below the instructions, telling me I should have the bags in my car/garage/porch/camper/apartment?  Those instructions don’t tell me to always keep a roll in my pockets… so what’s a person to do?  And what if I don’t have a porch or camper – can I still use the bags?  My house wasn’t listed among the places I should keep a roll of bags – does that mean the bags are not supposed to be there?  I’m so confused…
4. “Pull the bag over my hand just like a glove.”  Are you coming on the walk with me?  No offense, but I don’t even know your name… I mean, if you want to come along and pick up my dog’s poo, that’s cool, I guess… but then I have to put the bag on your hand for you?  Do you have really crummy hand-eye coordination or something?  (And if you do have some issues with your hands, perhaps picking up dog poo actually isn’t the best role for you?)
5. “Pick up my dog’s waste nicely.”  Wait – your dog, or my dog?  Are you bringing a dog with you on the walk I take with my dogs?  So if you are picking up your dog’s poop, who is picking up my dog’s poop?
6. “Tie a knot in bag and dispose responsibly.”  I.e., not in flames on a neighbor’s front step.  Got it.

🙂  Stef